Recovering Women Wealth

Sober Women Managing Money & Mental Wealth

  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Facebook
  • Home
  • FKA Ms. Fiology
  • About Me
    • Testimony
    • Mission Statement
    • Contact Me
  • Operating Procedures
  • Resources
    • Recovery Resources
    • Books I Recommend
      • Recovery & Self Growth Favs
      • Money Favs
      • Christian Favs
      • Non-Fiction Favs
      • Fiction Favs
    • Financial Resources
  • Public Speaking
  • Investment Policy Statement
  • Debt Freedom
  • Series
    • Brain Health
    • Inspiring Women in Recovery Interview Series
    • People are Basically…

This post may contain affiliate links to products I’ve used and recommend. If you click on the link and purchase the product, I am compensated (at no additional cost to you). 

View my full disclosure here.

Dating with Faith in Recovery

October 5, 2020 By Deanna 2 Comments

Dating in recovery is a topic that needs to be addressed. After all, relationships can bring the best and worst out of people. We all need relationships to thrive and I’d argue survive. So, learning to have Godly, healthy relationships is a worthy endeavor.

I can almost guarantee the roots behind any addiction stem back to some dysfunctional relationship, trauma, and/or abuse. Relationships are that powerful. When trust is broken, some type of damage is done.

My next statement comes only from personal experience and from years of working with broken women. Until we are able to face our pasts (however painful) and learn to reconcile, heal, forgive the unforgivable, and replace lies with truth, we will not have healthy relationships.

It’s the hard work that no one wants to do. However, as one who has done it, I can say it’s the most worthwhile work I’ve ever done.

I’m in a relationship currently and we are doing it more differently than I’ve ever done. For that reason, I wanted to share what I’ve learned…

How Not to Date in Faith Recovery

The only reason I used the word dating in the title is that it’s such a widely understood term. However, I don’t really believe in dating. Why? Because I don’t think it’s God’s design.

Here is, In My Humble Opinion (IMHO), a healthy relationship progression:

As you may notice there is no dating in that progression. The relationship simply matures onto the next phase (or not). Additionally, some phases have more twists and turns before progression occurs. Lastly, as one progresses, each phase grows in importance.

Acquaintance to Friendship

This where you meet someone and if there are enough common interests, it can grow to be a friendship.

I have a good friend in recovery who advised me to create some important lists before I ever thought about wanting to meet a man.

The lists were to be comprised of my:

  • Deal Breakers
  • Preferred/very important characteristics
  • Wants

The first is the most obvious and those are items that are non-negotiable deal-breakers. I really only have two – he has to be a humble man of strong faith in Jesus Christ and he must support my sobriety.

The second list of items are not deal breakers but rather characteristics that are very important to me.

Finally, the want list is like a wish list and it can include things which would be lovely but not super important and certainly not deal-breakers.

Building a Strong Foundation

Any good carpenter will tell you that building a solid foundation is key to building a strong house.

Well, Jesus is the best carpenter I know he advises us to build a foundation on Him. That is what we as believers are called to do both individually and relationally.

Any good relationship begins with friendship. Furthermore, I discovered if I allowed the emotions to flood in too soon, my perceptions could be skewed. Proverbs 24:3 says  Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

That being said, friendship is the best way to just get to know one another while protecting our hearts.

Also, the romance stuff is easy but friendship takes work, intention, and time. Let it marinate!!! The other stuff will eventually come if it’s from the Lord.

Friendship to Courtship

Courtship may be considered an old-fashioned term but I don’t care. I LOVE it. Courtship essentially means, dating with the intention of marriage.

It’s the phase where a couple will start to ask each other some tough questions. Here are some topics to address:

  • Faith
  • Finances
  • Family
  • Ministry
  • Career

I actually received counsel from a pastor and other sisters in Christ while we were still in the friendship phase. From there I formulated some questions to ask. Furthermore, I requested the questions to be answered in the written form. I took the time to also answer the same questions as well as other ones he asked of me.

If you are interested in my questions you can find them here. Keep in mind I was trying to ascertain if we were equally yoked and in similar places in our recovery. 🙂

It’s wise to seek outside counsel from pastors during the courting phase.

A lot of prayer needs to go into this phase as the couple seeks the Father’s heart on the matter.

I’m now in the courting phase of my relationship and am blessed beyond words. We did ask each other a lot of the tough questions in the friendship phase. I had some walls up and needed to dig deep even as friends.

However, with patience, prayer, guidance, and lots of lengthy discussions over hikes, we proceeded to the phase of courtship. My guy even asked my parents if he could receive my parents’ blessing to court me (blushing).

Courtship to Engagement

Once a couple is considering moving onto engagement, it’s wise to seek more pastoral guidance. Why? Because emotions are now involved and can cloud one’s perspectives.

The bible says there is wisdom in the counsel of many.

While we are in our courtship we are reading two books currently per the counsel of others:

Here are some other books that were recommended too:

We want to keep building a solid foundation for our relationship and eventual marriage. Moreover, we want to build our marriage the way God has designed it to be. Earthly marriage should be a reflection of his relationship with us (Christ and his bride, the church).

If the Lord, the counsel of pastors, and the couple are all discerning to proceed then it’s time to go onto engagement!

Engagement to Marriage

We are trying to do things God’s way which means, holding off on sexual intimacy until marriage.  That being said, we so no reason for a long engagement.

Plus, if a couple has done all the necessary work up until this point, the only reason to wait is if your venue or plans require more preparation time.

Closing Thoughts

We’ve both had failed relationships and marriages in our past. We’ve done and are doing the work of recovery. Moreover, we continually surrender to Jesus on a daily basis.

We are both at places where we feel that we have a lot of love to give another person.

It’s our heart’s desire to be used in ministry in helping the broken. We are very excited to see where God will take us in all of this.

Relationships take work and if one is willing to be patient while progressing through each phase, it allows for a strong foundation.

What have you learned in recovery about relationships?

Filed Under: Inspiration, Stories of Recovery Tagged With: Dating, Love, Recovery, Relationships

Comments

  1. Stacy says

    October 5, 2020 at 8:35 am

    Solid advice and congratulations on your courtship! I’m thrilled for you!

    Reply
    • Deanna says

      October 5, 2020 at 8:42 am

      Thank you and thank you!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

About Me

My name is Deanna and I am happy to be on this redemptive path. I got sober from drug addiction/alcoholism in 2010 and returned to a faith in Christ. Additionally, I finished digging my way out of debt in 2017. Today, I’m learning to be a wise steward/investor of my resources while helping other women find their victories too. More about me.

Join my email list!

Subscribe to be notified of my latest posts via email.

Please wait...

Thank you for signing up!

Affiliate Link – Click Image

Affiliate Link – Click Image

As Featured On

Recent Posts

  • We Got Engaged During the Year to Forget!!!
  • My Biggest Lesson in 2020, We Need One Another!
  • Are you Ready for a Money Coach?

Categories

  • Blogging
  • Career Hacking
  • Financial Independence
  • Frugality
  • Healthy Living
  • Inspiration
  • Investing
  • Minimalism
  • Personal Finance
  • Stories of Recovery
  • Tax Efficiency
  • Travel Hacking
  • Tribute

Archives

  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018

Copyright © 2021 Recovering Women Wealth

We use cookies to ensure a good experience. If you continue to use this site, I will assume that you are happy with it. :)Ok